I’ve been watching with interest the response to Renee Zellweger’s apparent new face. Every single opinion I’ve read has either lamented the loss of her prior face (i.e. why would someone so pretty do that to herself?) or criticized the state of beauty in our culture (i.e. what a shame people feel such pressure to look a certain way that they do such significant things to their appearances). Renee Zellweger herself has come out with a rather interesting defense, saying a healthier, happier lifestyle is to blame.
What’s bugging me in all of this? The assumptions. We make assumptions about her motives, assumptions about her reasons, assumptions about what she actually did, assumptions about what she said, assumptions about our assumptions. We use our assumptions as the basis for judgment, which leads to more opinions and more assumptions.
Of course, this isn’t unique to Renee Zellweger. It seems to be a common trend among women in general, mothers especially. We see a mother speaking harshly to her child in the grocery store and make certain assumptions about her skills as a mother. We see a mother on her cellphone at the park while her children swing and slide and assume she’s inattentive, disengaged, and selfish. We make assumptions about working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, homeschooling mothers, church-going mothers, fit mothers, overweight mothers, rested mothers, harried mothers, cry-it-out mothers, attachment parenting mothers.
It’s human nature to create stories about the observations we make. Assumptions are, at their simplest, stories we’ve created to fill in the gaps between what we know and what we don’t know. We want to make sense of our surroundings; we want to make our surroundings fit into our worldview, and assumptions serve a purpose and play a role.
We might not be able to get rid of assumptions, but we can steer them more positively. We can choose to assume the best. That woman at the grocery store who’s yelling at her kids? Rather than assuming she’s a bad mother, maybe we can see her as a tired and overwhelmed mother, or perhaps a mother who’s afraid of failing her kids.
The fit mother holding up a sign asking others what their excuse is for being out of shape? Maybe she really wants to inspire others and generate discussion around fitness rather than condemn.
And Renee Zellweger? Maybe she had surgery because of an injury or a medical problem. Maybe she was made fun of her nose or her cheek or her chin as a child and finally decided to make a change. Maybe she struggles emotionally and hoped plastic surgery would quiet some of those demons.
As women, we need more acceptance, not less. We need more cheerleaders, not fewer. We need the same kind of emotional culture for ourselves that we want for our children. The choices we make in how we view, think about, and treat other women will directly shape that culture one way or the other.
Assuming the best may not always be our first instinct, but the effort it takes to adjust and reframe is worthwhile, both for the present and for the future.
This post is part of a 31-day series called 31 Days to Loving Motherhood More. You can read the other posts in the series by clicking here.
